# You should know that Popeye the Movie and The Gladiator were filmed in Malta 

   # Maltesers were not invented in Malta 

   # Maltese terriers actually were first bred in Malta 

   # The Maltese Cross is a throwback from the days of the Knights of Malta 

   # The Maltese Falcon never existed in Malta 

   # If you don't eat fish, hate swimming, soccer and Elvis you will need to find another way to impress a Maltese dad 

   # If you don't have good table manners, a Maltese mum will not be amused - and don't fart or burp anywhere near her 

   # No point in having a debate on the merits of turning Muslim - 99.9% of Maltese are Catholic 

   # You won't need a translator, most Maltese speak English well and you will NEVER forget a Maltese accent 

   # If you are an accountant, or fashion designer you will greatly impress your Maltese mother-in-law 

   # If you run your own business, your Maltese father-in-law will be very impressed 

   # If you are invited to a Maltese gathering get familiar with  qassatat, pastizzi, figolli, cannoli and qaq tal ahsel 

   # If you are Catholic but you weren't confirmed and didn't do your communion, don't mention it ! 

   # Most Maltese take exception if you say "I've heard Malta is like Italy or Greece isn't it?", frankly, it ain't 

   # If you are over 22 and single, a Maltese grandmother will think you must have some sort of physical problem or disease 

   # If you can crochet make a doily for your Maltese mother-in-law and watch your status grow ! 

   # If you don't know how to gamble on horses, play bingo or poker you won't get on a Maltese grandfather's good side 

   # If you don't know what Kinnie is, find out 

   # If you hate to talk, you better be good at listening 

   # Expect to put on one kilo for every Maltese gathering you have attended in any one year 

   # Most Maltese grandmothers think jeans are for poor people - so don't be prancing around in your $200 vintage Levi's 

   # If you restored a 1960's Ford the whole family will be impressed 

   # You've had conserva and capers on a bread roll for lunch ever since you were in kindy 

   # You go to church every sunday..but only to check out the girls 

   #You go to church at Horsley Park even though you live in Bringelly 

   #You're dad goes all the way to Bathurst Street  just to buy a slab of Kinnie 

   # You have at least 3 Uncle Joes 

   #And at least one of them fishes 24-7 

   # Nearly all of you relo's drive Commodores 

   # Your nanna's backyard is huge...but its full of rabbit cages and vege patches 

   # You live in one of those CHOCKO yellow brick houses on Old Prospect Road 

   # You've stolen the Gozo Road sign in Greystanes (yes Simon that means you!) 

   #All your girl relo's are either teachers, hairdressers or work in fashion 

   #You leave school in year 9 to be a mechanic 

   #Your uncle drives a truck for the quarry in Greystanes 

   # At least one relo has a done up Hoden or Frod of some sort (especially a GT Falcon or a EK) 

   #Your parents come from a family of 12 kids...all named after someone in the bible 

   #Your name is Carmen 

   #You call your dog "chooch" 

   #Your Nanna's social life revolves around bingo, knitting scarfes for your baby cousin, and Bold & the Beautiful 

   #Your Mum hits you if you make too much noise when the Bold & The Beautiful is on..even though you're 21 

   # You Nanna is the gossip queen of Greystanes 

   #You know Joe Grima....yeah the guy that drives that brown V8 Premier to & from the club 

   #You go to Hamrun thinking you're going to find your wife 

   #You think Gozo is in the bible 

   #All your male family says "aye" at the end of each sentence 

   #Your relo's call you 'hay' 

   #You get stirred everytime someone says "Maltese?? oh thats like half Italian half Arab huh" 

   #You're the only 15 year old you know that can drive a truck 

   #You live on a pig farm in Schofields 

   #Your Nanna lives next door 

   #Your Mum doesnt let your dad do the groceries because all he buys is "Home Brand" 

   #Your Dad is the the biggest tightarse in the world 

   #Finally, not all Maltese live in Sunshine, and St Albans 

   #Not all Maltese have chickens in their backyards 

   #Not all Maltese have a brother named Charlie 

   #Not all Maltese own a Maltese terrier 

   #Not all Maltese own a restored Ford