This is one of the first stories I ever wrote. I wrote it in the months after the episode centering around the death of Bareil on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine aired as I felt that the wonderful character created by Philip Anglim deserved a much better ending than what he was given by the DS9 writers.
It was a dream. He somehow knew it was a dream, but that didn't lessen the anguish, rage and helplessness that surged through him in wave after agonising wave. Leana, his sister, lay dying in his arms, her tiny skeletal body listless and weightless as he held her in his own weakened, emaciated arms. Around him as he sat in the dirt in the compound of the abomination that was Religet, the refugee camp turned prison camp, he could hear the tired cries and moans of countless others who were making the same passage to death as Leana.
They were all slowly starving, forgotten, he thought, by anyone outside the walls of Religet. He couldn't remember the last time a food convoy had come through the gates. Much later, he learned that Religet had been cut off from all help by the fighting in the Dorial pass leading to the camp as the resistance began to gather strength and attacked the Cardassians in fighting that became increasingly bitter. And once the Cardassians took the camp, there was no question of outside aid, and so they starved, and one by one, died.
The dream changed then. As it always did. They had just buried Leana and a young Cardassian soldier was looking on as he, his parents and brother, Jalnar, sang the funeral chant.
The Cardassian moved closer to the family, arrogance and hate plain on his face. "Yet another Bajoran gone to the Prophets! What a blessing for Cardassia."
His parents clung to each other in numb grief, his 9 year old brother stood mute in the face of appalling cruelty. But something began to happen within the 13 year old. Blind, bloody rage, began to surge through him. His body was terribly weakened but somehow he willed it to move. As the Cardassian continued to find amusement in the death of a tiny child, the youth moved slowly but with purpose.
The Cardassian was still laughing when the first blow from the rock struck him on the head. It was a weak blow, but it was enough to fell him. As he lay on the ground, the youth's parents cried out "No! Bareil, no!" But once he had started, he couldn't stop himself. Again and again he brought the rock down on the Cardassian's head until he knew he was dead. Pushed to the point of exhaustion, the youth slowly sank to his knees beside the bloodied head of the man he had just killed.
Inevitably the dream changed again. He writhed, wanting desperately to wake up, to somehow escape what was coming, but the dream continued to hold him in its grip.
He was in the camp's detention block, his starved, dirty, rag-covered body forcibly held upright between two Cardassian guards. His brother similarly imprisoned beside him.
His mother and father were now dragged into the room, Ka Noor, the camp's Gul, close behind them. The youth was to be punished for the death of the Cardassian. Bareil's dark, anguished eyes met those of his mother and father, but no farewells were permitted in that bleak room. The Cardassians were brutally efficient and cruelly swift in dealing out death. Two daggers were raised and fell almost at once. As his parents were slain before him, he weakly moaned in unspeakable torment.
Finally released from the nightmare, Bareil sat bolt upright in his bed, drenched in sweat and gasping for breath as the horror slowly left him. Tiredly he left the bed and went to stand at the window looking out over the city. At this hour, the only light illuminating the city came from those Bajoran moons remaining in the sky. He shivered in the night air. That particular nightmare had been recurring on a regular basis for several weeks. It was giving him mostly sleepless nights and leaving him tired and drained during the day as he tried to concentrate on his many duties.
The hunger he felt for the comfort of Nerys's presence was a constant source of frustrated yearning. For almost a month she had been absent from the Space Station dealing with some problems that had arisen on New Bajor. He himself had been kept fully occupied not only with spiritual matters, but with the negotiations with the Cardassian envoys. In spite of his tiredness, the peace negotiations filled him with a deep, satisfying joy. He wanted nothing more than for Bajor's healing to begin in earnest with peace with the Cardassians.
Wondering once more what the resurgence of that particular dream meant, he sighed and turned away from the window. The time for morning prayer was still hours away, but troubled and unwilling to return to sleep, he dressed anyway and silently made his way through the Monastery to the room set aside for prayer. He contemplated another encounter with the third Orb, but decided against it. What he wanted and needed was a time for quiet meditation and prayer in the presence of the Prophets.
He went to his knees and settled himself for prayer. Half an hour later, after several unsuccessful attempts to centre himself in the quiet, he gave up and allowed his mind to wander. Once again, he found himself unwillingly drawn back in his past.
For long months after his parents' murder, he and Jalnar had somehow survived the starvation and disease that decimated the camp. Rage and hatred had burned deep within him, and at times seemed stronger than his physical ailments; perhaps in some perverse way, his hatred had kept him alive, even through the savage beatings that Ka Noor began to hand out for no particular reasons, except that the Resistance were slowly gaining ground in the areas surrounding the camp.
Those who didn't succumb to the systematic barbarism were barely alive when the camp was finally liberated by the resistance. It was hard for those who freed the camp to tell the living from the dead at first, as both living and dead lay in large groups wherever their eyes fell. No survivor of Religet left the camp on their own two feet. They were all carried out and taken to aid centres. Many died in the months following their liberation.
For several months Bareil simply existed. He drifted within a grey half-world, vaguely aware that the physical pain had ceased, that his body was slowly healing; vaguely aware that there were once again people around him who cared whether he lived or died. He simply let them do whatever was necessary to ensure that he continued to live and to heal. And all the while, rage and hatred for the Cardassians continued to grow within. Not once during the initial months of freedom did he utter a single word or response to any of those around him.
Bareil's physical healing was well under way when the old monk arrived at the aid centre. At first, Prylar Theylo was overwhelmed by the pitiful suffering of the survivors of Religet. He did what he could to begin their spiritual healing, but for some it was too late. Religet had left them empty, defeated shells.
Late one evening, Theylo was making his way through one of the youth's dormitory quarters. All the boys were asleep except for one. Bareil was sitting on the floor beside his bed, knees pulled up under his chin, and his arms wrapped around them. His expressionless dark eyes were staring at nothing that Theylo could see.
The monk hunkered down beside the youth and gently touched his arm. "Its late my son. Can't you sleep?" Bareil had retreated to a place deep within himself and wasn't even aware that someone was talking to him. Theylo saw before him a youth barely out of childhood and immersed in unspeakable pain. Finally, he grasped his shoulder firmly, and tried again, very gently. "You know, you won't get well if you don't get enough sleep. Please, come and get into bed, child."
Slowly, Bareil eyes came into focus and he found himself staring vaguely at an old Monk who appeared to be saying something to him. The Monk's words took shape in his mind, and after a long pause, he said "Leave me alone." in a hoarse, dull voice. Theylo didn't leave him alone, however, and persisted in gently urging him into bed.
Finally, simply to get rid of the old man, he complied, and lay in bed silently staring up at him. Theylo smiled and said softly "There now. Why don't you try to sleep? If you like, I'll sit here with you." Bareil just continued to stare, but after a long while, his eyes closed, and Theylo sighed. There was something about this boy... He felt the Prophets had led him to him for some purpose of their own choosing.
Bareil opened his eyes. The hour was still too early for anyone to be coming to prayer, although the first dawn light was just now beginning to enter the place where he knelt. He stretched his stiff body and settled himself more comfortably before returning to the journey his thoughts were taking him on.
Prylar Theylo returned again and again to Bareil during the days and weeks that followed. Most of his conversation was met with stony silence, until the day when Bareil, sitting gazing out over the stream running beside the aid centre, finally turned to the monk. For once reasoning intelligence was staring back at Theylo as the still painfully thin youth regarded him for a long moment. Finally he asked "Aren't there others here who need your help?" Theylo was pleasantly surprised. At last, a reaction of sorts.
He smiled a little as he answered. "There are many here who need help." Harshly, Bareil rasped "Then why don't you help them and leave me alone?" Theylo's smile grew. "Because you have a need too, my son, and the Prophets won't allow me to neglect any of Bajor's children in their hour of need." His voice still harsh, Bareil spat out "I don't want or need your help."
There was a long silence after that. At length, Theylo said "Your brother has told me how your sister and parents died." The dark head beside him turned sharply at that, although the expression on the youth's face made Theylo cringe inwardly. "My child, the hatred in your heart will consume you if you don't let go of it. Allow yourself to feel the pain so that you can begin to heal."
In a low, vicious tone, Bareil hissed "How could you possibly know what I'm feeling? Were you also at Religet?" Theylo slowly shook his head. Bareil stood and intelligent eyes looked down at the Monk. "Once I'm well enough not to be a liability, I'm going to join the resistance, and I'm going to make the Cardassians pay and pay again for what they've done and continue to do to Bajor." He turned on his heel and walked off down the path.
True to his word, it wasn't long before the young Bareil was well enough to seek a place in the resistance, which was continuing to grow in power at that time. There were even major successes against the Cardassians in some areas, which gave resistance members much-needed incentive to keep striking at the occupying forces.
While Theylo remained at the aid centre, Bareil was eventually accepted into a resistance cell.
A day came, several weeks into his apprenticeship in terrorism when he and 3 others were sent to Jarnike Province on a mission to sabotage a Cardassian supply route. The youth was sent along as a look-out.
As the older Bareil knelt in the pre-dawn stillness, he moved a little restlessly as further unwanted memories began to crowd in now. He remembered only too well that day when his life changed forever.
He remembered surprising the Cardassian soldier near the small hut at the edge of the road, and pulling his dagger, as both of them circled watching for an opening. And suddenly it was there. The Cardassian slipped on a tuft of grass. The younger, faster Bareil took the advantage and hooked his foot behind the other's ankle, tripping his opponent and sending him sprawling in the dirt.
Hatred boiled up and overflowed in the youth as he went down beside his enemy. He slowly raised the dagger, ready to deliver the death blow, while the Cardassian lay staring up at him, waiting for certain death. One of Bareil's companions had seen the fight and was standing feet away on the deserted road urging him to kill.
At the instant Bareil began to lower the dagger, something happened; something touched him and took hold of him. Even now, so many years later, he wasn't sure what happened that day in the dust beside that supply route. All he knew was that Something surged through him and he saw through different eyes for a space of time. He looked down at his intended victim and saw not his enemy, but simply another living being. A being who was ultimately defenceless, even when he walked fully armed. A being not all that different to Bareil, even though he belonged to another species.
As Bareil squatted immobile, stunned by what was happening to him, he clearly heard a voice within him say the words "Which path will you now choose? The path of hatred and pain for the rest of your life? The path of peace and healing and service to others? You must choose."
The dagger still raised, he slowly stood and stared down at the Cardassian, even while Tornek shouted impatiently to get it over with. Bareil never fully understood what happened in those few seconds that seemed to last a lifetime. Riven to the core of his being, he slowly lowered the dagger and stood, stepping back from his adversary. The dagger fell from nerveless fingers to lie at his feet.
Without a word he turned and walked away, turmoil and pain at last forcing their way among the glacial blocks of emotion that had been a part of him for so long.
Late one afternoon several days later he reached the aid centre. After first going in search of Jalnar, and being reassured his brother continued to heal well and was making good use of his time at the centre, he sought Theylo. He walked down the path to the place by the stream where he had last seen him, all those months before. The old monk was sitting on the bank where Bareil had once sat, looking out over the darkening water, and listening to the evening song of the birds.
As if he sensed Bareil's presence, he turned before the teenager had reached him. Then he smiled. Without a word, Bareil went to sit beside him. Theylo waited in the silence, the only sound around them being the gentle murmur of the water as it ran past them. Then another sound joined that of the running water; the sound of a youth sobbing harsh, tearing sobs. The monk's arms reached out to gather the young Bajoran to him and he held him while the evening turned to dusk and Bareil clung to him and cried as if his heart would break. His healing had begun.
One morning almost a year following Bareil's return to the aid centre, Theylo was sitting in the sun-drenched courtyard with a group of children and looked up to see Bareil standing in the archway looking as if he wanted to speak to him. Seeing the look on Bareil's face, Theylo, still smiling, left the group and went to where his young friend stood waiting. "Good morning, Bareil. Is it not a lovely day?"
The teenager nodded but said nothing for a moment, while Theylo waited. Finally, he said "I want to enter the Monastery." Now it was Theylo's turn to stare measuringly at Bareil. He had known this day would come. Had known since the Prophets had shown him a Vision of the man this boy would become serving Bajor in a way few of her spiritual leaders had ever done.
Even so, very gently he said "Are you sure, child? Are you absolutely sure that this is the path you truly desire to follow?" Bareil nodded slowly and deliberately, a strange certainty in his eyes, "Yes."
In turn, Theylo nodded, his face for once very solemn. "Yes, the Prophets have called you to this path, my son. It is a true calling. May they give you the strength and courage to carry out all they will ask of you."
When he entered the Monastery, he was given the position of gardener, and this peaceful past time became one of his greatest joys. In his gardening he came to know an inner peace that he'd never known existed. When internal politics raised its head within the Monastery, he retreated to the gardens, and especially, later, to the area that became his beloved arboretum. He also discovered that he had a hitherto unknown gift for turning a plot of vegetation into a thing of great beauty, something almost resembling living sculpture.
In that environment, Bareil's healing continued and the boy grew into a man who soon displayed great spiritual and personal maturity. None at the Monastery apart from Theylo knew just how costly that maturity and wisdom had been to Bareil.
Bareil himself was at a loss to explain the complete turnaround that had occurred within him. This new path somehow had a - rightness - and he wasn't inclined to question it too deeply.
As his spirit healed, Bareil's inner peace settled deeper. His encounters with several of the Orbs had given strong affirmation of the rightness of his choosing the life of a cleric, and filled him with a deep sense of purpose.
In time, his gifts were recognised at high levels within the Bajoran religion, and eventually even Kai Opaka perceived his giftedness, and saw to it that his gifts were put to valuable use.
Upon his elevation to Vedek, it was clear to everyone in the Vedek Assembly that he had within him the potential to one day be Kai. He was greatly liked by most of the Monastery inhabitants, and became very popular throughout Bajor as a whole. He himself, while aware of the direction in which the Prophets were leading him, would have greatly preferred to remain a simple gardener. Yet he knew the Prophets had more for him to do. Work that would benefit Bajor as a whole. Just as he himself had been healed, he yearned deeply for the healing of his brutalised world.
Later, Jalnar also came to the Monastery, much to Bareil's delighted surprise. While the brothers had been very close for most of their lives, their time in Religet had effected them differently. Bareil had waged a deadly struggle with his rage and hatred for the Cardassians, while Jalnar had retreated somewhat to a place within, and gradually became a quiet, introspective individual in a process that had been much more gentle than Bareil's.
Jalnar chose to enter Bareil's order and follow in his brother's footsteps. As his younger brother matured under his watchful eye, Bareil privately reflected that Jalnar would in time be, eventually, a Vedek of great wisdom. As with the other monks under his authority, Bareil took care to gently nurture the gifts which Jalnar naturally possessed.
Vedek Bareil slowly opened his eyes when the soft sound of sandal-shod feet entering the room broke in upon his thoughts. Several monks of his order had entered. As they passed him, he returned their greetings with a warm smile of his own. He felt genuine affection for the men and women who were his subordinates. He knew most of them fairly well, as they all came to him at some time seeking spiritual guidance.
Bajor's sun was now flooding the room with light and warmth as the prayer bell sounded and Bareil took a deep breath to shake off his earlier preoccupation and prepare for morning prayer.
Later that morning as he was emerging from his study after time spent counselling several monks of his order he was informed that Kai Winn was asking for him. He had a good idea of what she wanted. Since the recently-begun negotiations with the Cardassians, Winn had displayed a hesitance that had surprised Bareil. Confident to the point of arrogance in dealing with Bajoran internal affairs, Winn had learned very quickly that she had little negotiating skill in dealing with the Cardassians.
Since her election as Kai, there had been something of a transformation in Winn. This cleric who had, Bareil knew, been behind a failed attempt on his life, and who had attempted to have him falsely named a collaborator in her desire to become Kai over him now appeared to be trying in some way to provide genuine spiritual leadership to the Bajoran people.
Bareil knew better than to trust her completely; knew that she would never miss an opportunity to further her own interests where possible, but he was at peace with their relationship as it now stood, even if he struggled constantly with his dislike for her personally and for the conservative ideological stance she had always espoused. However, now that she possessed the power she had long coveted, the constant sparring that had hitherto been an ongoing part of any contact they had with each other had almost disappeared.
After Bareil had initiated the talks with the Cardassians, Winn had attempted unsuccessfully to take an active part in the negotiations herself, but after she had painfully floundered her way through the first tentative round, she had asked him to lead the Bajoran side. It had galled and humiliated her to realise that if she persisted in her own efforts, there was the danger the talks would falter to an ignominious end. Bareil had initiated them, and the Cardassians had begun to know and respect him; Winn knew he was critical to the successful outcome of the negotiations.
She also knew that if anything went wrong, the blame would lie on Bareil's shoulders, a prospect that appeared not to bother the tall, dark-haired Vedek at all.
Entering Winn's quarters, Bareil inclined his head in greeting and respect for her position. For once, Winn made no attempt to read his pagh. He smiled inwardly. Perhaps his continued resistance to that irritating and uncomfortable practice was beginning to bear fruit.
"Vedek Bareil! Thank you for coming so quickly." He smiled slightly "How can I be of service, Eminence?" "I've just received a transmission from legate Turrel. The Cardassians have sent a small party of negotiators to Bajor to continue the work we've begun. They'll be arriving tomorrow, and I wanted to make sure that you'll be available."
He nodded. "Of course. That won't be a problem." She smiled "Good! I'm hoping that we'll soon make a break-through." Quietly he agreed "That is also my hope. If the Prophets will it, we may be very close to a settlement."
Winn regarded Bareil with curious eyes. Not once in all the time she had known him had she been able to shake his peaceful mien. In fact, peace seemed to radiate from him almost as a tangible thing. She would have given much to know just how he maintained such serenity.
She would, indeed, have given much to know Bareil's inner workings, but he remained impregnable to any of her attempts to slide beneath the surface. Although he had openly disagreed with her on many occasions in the past, she had always had an uncomfortable sense that disagreeing with her provided him with some form of non-vindictive amusement. And she was only too well aware of how often his quiet and consistent baiting had drawn a malicious response from her.
In a perverse way, she respected him. He had always managed to find a way to subtly tell her that he was fully aware of the underlying reasons for her actions. After the failed attempt on his life, he had never uttered a word in accusation, but she knew without a doubt that he was aware she had been behind that act. Winn even feared him a little; Even though she was now Kai, something deep within her knew Bareil had been the rightful Kai.
And of necessity, he was to a large extent in any case the de facto spiritual leader of Bajor due to Winn's ineptitude in several critical areas that were the Kai's responsibility. Yet she never saw any resentment in him. Bareil had never once put his own needs or desires above the needs of the Bajoran people.
"Do you think the negotiations are proceeding satisfactorily?" she now asked. He nodded slightly. "Yes. I believe the Cardassian command want peace as much as we do. Their resources were heavily depleted during the occupation. They need time to rebuild. And," he added slowly as an afterthought "they're very aware of the Federation's interest here now."
That night Bareil's nightmare returned with renewed intensity, and the next morning he walked to Winn's audience room with what was almost a sense of foreboding.
When the Cardassian delegation entered at first he only saw and greeted Legate Turrel, who he knew fairly well now. His eyes moved curiously over the other members of the delegation as Turrel made the introductions until they came to rest on the last delegate to enter. He stiffened, his eyes locked on the latest arrival, although Turrel's words denied the identity of the Cardassian now moving to the head of the delegation. "Kai Winn, Vedek Bareil, may I also present Gul Ni Daar?"
Winn made some polite pleasantry that Bareil missed, but he recollected himself enough to incline his head. Outwardly peaceful, and unmoved, he momentarily closed his eyes in order to deal with the feelings that had surged up within him.
To be face to face with the Cardassian who had ordered the slaying of his parents and stood by while it was carried out was almost too much for him to bear. He reached deep within himself and somehow found the means to continue the negotiations through that morning and into the afternoon. By the time the talks had concluded for the day, the coldness in his heart had left him unresponsive to anything but the need to put as much distance between himself and Ka Noor as he could possibly achieve, even though he knew that in two days he would be required to continue with the negotiations.
Once in his own quarters he sent for the Monk who served as his assistant, and told him he was going into the gardens and didn't want to be disturbed under any circumstances. If Prylar Jain was surprised at his normally very approachable superior's unusual directive, he gave no sign.
Entering a secluded area of the gardens, he found a seat under a tree and sat, trying to make some sense of Ka Noor's presence among the delegation.
After the liberation of Religet, he had given little thought to the fate of Ka Noor. If anything, he had assumed him dead in the fighting for possession of the camp, and he certainly had heard nothing of him since; nor had he had any desire to.
Gazing out over the gardens spreading out below him, but not really seeing them, he considered the implications of Ka Noor's presence on Bajor. The Gul who had become widely acknowledged throughout Bajor as the Beast of Religet should, Bareil knew only too well, be brought to justice. The atrocities committed at the camp under his leadership had steadily gained in infamy since the Cardassian withdrawal as more and more survivors told their stories. Bareil's parents were two among thousands brutally murdered at the hands of Ka Noor.
Why was he on Bajor? Had he somehow deceived the Cardassian Central Command? Bareil knew well enough that this would be an almost impossible feat; although the Obsidian Order would certainly have been aware of his real identity.
Anger began to make itself felt within him as he sat there in the gardens. He wanted nothing more at that moment than to denounce Ka Noor as the war criminal that he was. But if he did so, the delicately-woven peace negotiations might come to an abrupt end, never to re-commence. On the other hand, there was always the possibility that Cardassia might allow the Bajorans to take Ka Noor as something of a gesture of good will.
Bareil's head began to ache with all the implications and possibilities that were flooding his mind. He leaned back against the tree and closed his eyes.
A soft sound close by brought his eyes open. In some surprise he saw Benjamin Sisko just about to leave.
"Commander? ...Benjamin?" The commander of the space station turned apologetically. "I'm sorry, Bareil, I didn't mean to intrude." He would have left, but the Bajoran cleric forestalled him. "Please...stay." Dark eyes looked up at Sisko curiously, if somewhat tiredly.
"I had hoped to speak with you," Ben Sisko said quietly. "At the Monastery they told me you didn't wish to be disturbed." Bareil smiled slightly, as Ben continued "Unfortunately, they didn't tell me just WHERE it was you didn't wish to be disturbed!"
At that, the Bajoran did laugh softly, genuine humour warming his eyes. Indicating a bench opposite his own he said "Please, sit down, Benjamin. It seems the peace of the gardens has brought us together."
Ben nodded slowly, "I have to admit that I'm always glad for a reason to visit the Monastery, so that I can spend a little time here. A holodeck re-creation just isn't the same, and I haven't been back to Earth in a long time." Bareil's smile grew, understanding Sisko's unspoken yearning.
The two men from different worlds had come to form something of a close friendship; as close as was possible considering they both held positions of authority. There was a great deal of mutual respect and trust in the relationship, which had begun just over a year ago.
Ben Sisko had never really understood why Bareil, the obvious, most able and right choice to become Kai, had abruptly withdrawn himself from the Choosing the day before the election was held. He had heard the bare bones of the story from Kira and knew, without much surprise, of Winn's involvement in that, even if Kira had never told him the whole story. He knew the man sitting opposite him to be a highly intelligent, natural leader; a gentle man, passionately committed to peace, possessing courage, integrity and, thankfully, a wry sense of humour. He was widely liked, even loved, throughout Bajor.
For his part, Bareil had come to greatly like the Commander of the Space Station. Benjamin Sisko had save his life during the assassination attempt many months earlier. He knew the Federation had chosen the best man for the job as head of the Space Station, even if the circumstances leading to that choosing hadn't been as propitious as they might have been, and he could sense that the man from Earth still carried within him a large measure of pain over the death of his wife.
Still, Ben Sisko had proved himself to be a friend to Bajor and Bajoran interests, even if he was obliged to follow the Prime Directive of the Federation, and could never openly involve himself in Bajoran affairs.
Now he quietly asked "What brings you to the Monastery, Benjamin?"
Ben took his time in choosing his words. "The Federation is aware that there has been renewed contact between Bajor and Cardassia at the highest levels." Bareil said nothing, but simply waited for Ben to continue. "They would, of course, like to know if any efforts were being made by either or both sides towards a permanent peace."
Bareil continued to remain silent for a long moment, seeming to gaze out over the gardens, now dressed in the golden colours of the late afternoon sun. When he finally turned back to Ben, his voice was neutral. "Commander, theoretically, if both sides do ever decide to come to the negotiating table, any negotiation would be an extremely delicate and, I would think, long-drawn-out process. Bajor and Cardassia would need both time and non-interference from outside bodies if progress were to be made. There are many wounds to be healed."
The last sentence was delivered in such a bleak tone, it made Ben Sisko search the other man's face for some hint of its cause, yet there was no sign evident on the other's now peaceful face. But Ben knew what he had come to find out. Somehow he would find a way to keep Federation interest at bay while Bajor and Cardassia quietly set about attempting to heal those wounds.
Bareil stood "Come, let us walk in the sun. Its getting cold here."
For several minutes they walked in silence, each apparently absorbed in the song of the birds in the trees around them, until Ben quietly observed "Something is troubling you." His companion's head lowered for a long. moment.
"Yes. And I'm not sure there is a solution."
Ben turned to his companion. "I can be a good listener, Vedek." Bareil smiled slightly, as he clasped suddenly cold hands in front of him.
Without preamble he said "When I was 13, I killed a Cardassian." Ben's head turned sharply at that and their eyes met. After a long moment Bareil continued. "He found much to amuse him in my family's mourning of my 3 year old sister after she had starved to death. My...punishment was to watch my mother and father murdered in front of me."
Ben's face reflected his horror. "How...? Where?"
Softly, his companion said "Religet".
The Commander of the space station stopped short. "-You- are one of the survivors of Religet?"
Bareil simply nodded, and continued. "The Cardassian who ordered my parents' death and who forced my brother and I to watch it carried out was Gul Ka Noor. He was the camp overseer. He was directly responsible for the deaths and suffering of thousands. And now he is back on Bajor."
Ben had seen many reports of the atrocities committed during the Cardassian occupation, but had never come across anything to equal Religet. He began to understand the Bajoran man standing quietly beside him on an entirely different, deeper level.
Finding words, he said "He's back, you say?"
Bareil nodded slowly. "He came with the delegation, although he's bearing another name now."
Ben couldn't grasp it. "But why come back? He must have known there would be a chance of someone recognising him."
Bareil shrugged. "I do not know."
"What are you going to do?"
The Vedek slowly shook his head. "I wish I knew. Justice demands I denounce him. But that could mean an end to the negotiations, and we have waited too long for peace." He raised his hands in a defeated gesture and fell silent. Ben could see the pain in his eyes. And the anger. He himself had good reason to know what Bareil was feeling at that moment.
Thoughtfully he said "Some time after my wife's death, I had to face the man who caused her death. I know him to be in himself a good, honourable man. And I know he did what he did because the Borg took him and ... altered him. He himself was not responsible. And yet, he did cause Jennifer's death." Ben looked down at his hands absently. "When we were finally face to face, the anger I felt was overwhelming, and at the time he was in a position of authority over me. I wanted so badly to hurt him for what he had done to me...to my son; to so many others on that day..." He stopped and drew a long breath. "But in the end, I had to choose a path that meant I could live with myself; to be at peace. I couldn't condemn Jean-Luc Picard for his actions; he was just as much...more of a victim than Jennifer or anyone else that died in that battle. In justice, I had to accept my pain, let it be there, and accept his, too. ...And walk away from it." Quietly he added "You're an honourable man, Bareil. When the time comes, you'll do what is right and just."
Bareil had listened in silence. "Perhaps." He sighed and resumed walking, but he was thinking of what Ben Sisko had just shared of himself and his own pain. And his liking for the man from Earth grew.
They walked on in silence for several minutes, both immersed in their own thoughts as evening shadows began to settle over the gardens.
At the Monastery gate they stopped. Ben made a small helpless gesture. "I wish you well in this thing, Bareil. I only wish there was some way I could help you."
The Bajoran man smiled gently "You have, Benjamin. You listened. ...And the Prophets will see that justice is done." Almost uneasily he added "I had hoped not to look back on that time in my life again."
Mentally shrugging off dark thoughts, he added "May you have a safe journey back, Benjamin."
Ben nodded his thanks, but before turning, he added, almost as an afterthought "I almost forgot - Major Kira should be returning to the Station tomorrow." Again, eyes met, and Bareil nodded his own thanks.
As the Cardassian delegation had requested a day's pause in the negotiations in order to deliberate over the talks so far, Bareil, for once having some time to spare, spent much of that day working in his Arboretum, emerging late in the afternoon to contact Kira Nerys.
After a relatively long separation, Nerys was pleased and surprised to hear from her lover so soon after her return. "So, can I take it you missed me?" she enquired.
He smiled at her teasing, and replied patiently "Yes, Nerys, I missed you."
For a moment, they simply drank in the sight of each other. Softly Nerys said "I missed you, too. I want to see you, soon."
His face entirely too innocent, Bareil replied "You ARE seeing me."
She shook her head "You know that's not what I meant."
Now he was smiling again. "I may be able to come to the station soon, if all goes well."
Surprised, she said "Really?"
Bareil's smile grew. "Really."
Nerys saw the dark circles under his eyes, but stopped herself from commenting on that or the tiredness evident on the face of the man she loved. After the connection was cut, Kira Nerys sat gazing thoughtfully at the empty screen for several minutes.
The following day saw Bareil and Winn once again meeting with the Cardassian delegation. Somehow Bareil managed to concentrate on the negotiations, but on more than one occasion in that meeting chamber, his eyes found and met those of Ka Noor's. He could see the vague puzzlement in the other's eyes, and knew his own anger and frustration must have been sensed in some way by Ka Noor.
Quietening himself, he turned back to the discussions, only to find Winn eyeing him with a speculative look which he ignored.
For three more days the talks continued. They appeared to be progressing satisfactorily to both sides, and Bareil and Winn found common ground in mutual satisfaction in this. A week-long pause in the talks finally allowed Bareil the opportunity to spend some time with Nerys. Prylar Tai, recently-appointed to the Station Shrine, had been asking him to visit the Station to clarify some practical matters associated with overseeing the Shrine.
The Vedek was only too glad to accede to Tai's request, as it meant a few days in Nerys's company. He felt the first incipient touch of exhaustion, and was grateful for the chance to ease his troubled spirit in Nerys's warm arms.
Their reunion was a joyous one, and that first night their loving had a quality that was new to Kira Nerys. It was as if Bareil was trying to draw something almost physically from her own spirit. She sensed a need, but knew from experience the man in her arms would never willingly lay his own problems open to her.
In the midst of his release, as he surged into her, he cried out her name, and even from the depths of her pleasure-laden senses, she heard pain in that cry, and cringed at it, seeking to hold him tighter; to comfort him and protect him in some way. From what, she had no idea. For a long time after they lay enfolded in each other, both of them holding the other tightly, unwilling to sever the physical expression of their love.
The tenderness of Nerys's embrace was almost Bareil's undoing. The pain within him had been steadily growing and spreading during the negotiation process, until it held him in an unrelenting grip. He returned her embrace in silence, swallowing the pain that threatened to overflow. Gradually, he lost himself in the gentle balm of her love. Finally, he slept.
Nerys was torn from sleep by the tormented cry of "No!" from the man moving restlessly beside her. Shaking off her own grogginess she grasped Bareil by the shoulders and woke him. As he came awake, the haunted look in his eyes cut into her.
Gently now she held him "Sshh. Its alright. It was only a dream."
It took some minutes for his breathing to become still. In gratitude he turned to her, "Oh Nerys..."
"What is it? What troubles you?" she asked softly. He shook his head and lay back, sighing, silent for a long time.
"They were all crying out to me to help them; to obtain justice for them, so that their dying might be atoned for."
Nerys's face reflected her confusion. "Who...?"
His voice almost a whisper, he told her. "The dead of Religet...my parents...my sister. All of them."
Still she didn't fully understand, and told him so. He tried to close his eyes on the pain coursing through him, but immediately opened them in resignation because he could still see their faces; thousands of faces, milling before him, pleading for something only he could give them. "Thousands died at Religet, Nerys; my parents and sister among them. Only, my parents were slain because ... because I took the life of a Cardassian at the camp."
Nerys was stunned. But she knew Bareil, and she knew the man in the bed beside her would never have harmed another living being unless he had been driven to it under terrible duress. And she knew about Religet; knew what that accursed place must have done to those who had been there.
Gently, carefully, she told him "There must have been good reason for what you did."
Dark eyes focussed on her bleakly. "Once I thought so."
He pulled himself up to sit on the edge of the bed, so that his back was to Nerys. "Gul Ka Noor, who ordered the death of my parents as my punishment, is back on Bajor. I have seen him."
Nerys sat up straight, her voice dangerous for all its softness. "The Beast of Religet has returned to Bajor?" Bareil's silence was confirmation enough.
"Why hasn't he been denounced?"
Unseen by Nerys, Bareil winced in pain, his eyes staring bleakly into the room's darkness. Softly he said "I cannot."
She grabbed his arm and pulled him around to face her. "Why?"
He could see the outrage on her face. "Not yet."
Again she asked "Why?", her voice hard. Quietly but firmly, he said "Leave it alone, Nerys. This does not concern you."
Incredulously she stared at him. "What? How can you do nothing?"
He shook his head. "I did not say I would do nothing. ...There are things that you don't know. If I were to denounce him now...the consequences might bring more suffering to Bajor."
He saw that she was about to launch into an argumentative tirade and firmly took hold of her upper arm, his own voice for once sharp. "Listen to me. You will do nothing. I do not want you involved in this in any way, do you understand?" After a moment's hesitation Nerys nodded slowly. He released her arm.
"The responsibility for this is mine alone," he added tiredly.
Very gently he pulled her to him and they embraced.
Afterwards they talked for hours. Bareil told Nerys all that he had carried within him for so many years. He told her of the time spent in Religet; of the years of healing which followed, and finally, as if a dam had broken, he told her how much he loved her.
And fierce, warm, loving, impulsive Kira Nerys wept. The tears were still wet on her cheeks when they finally slept.
Bareil's time with Nerys did much to ease his spirit. When he returned to the Monastery he had regained much of his inner peace, even though he still carried pain within him.
The evening before the final round of discussions was to be held, he sought an encounter with the Orb of Prophecy and Change. Afterwards, as the vision faded and his eyes opened, he continued to kneel, his face pale, thoughtful and resigned. After a moment he nodded slightly to himself. The crisis had passed. He knew now what he had to do. There wasn't much time... He pushed that thought aside, concentrating instead on how he would do that which the Prophets had shown him he must do.
When he finally rose, his face was both serene and filled with strength of purpose.
The next morning, he was among the last to enter the meeting chamber. Calmly he made reverence to Kai Winn and moved to take his place.
Gul Ka Noor had arrived earlier with several other members of the Cardassian delegation and glanced idly at the tall crimson-robed Bajoran cleric as he made his way across the room. Bareil chose not to look at him. As he reached his own place, he was overwhelmed by a sense of alone-ness such as he had never felt in his life before. He was chilled to the heart, but serenity surrounded and permeated him like an impregnable barrier.
As Winn began to open the proceedings, he quietly took his seat. Earlier that morning they had conferred and he knew Winn was almost ecstatic at the progress that had been made in the past several weeks. Her old greed for power and transcendence had re-surfaced. Winn wanted nothing more than to be written into the history books as the Kai who had finally ended the Bajoran-Cardassian conflict. Bareil turned slightly to gaze at her while people were settling themselves. Her face was almost glowing with pleasure as she exchanged pleasantries with Legate Turrel.
Wryly, Bareil reflected that in just a few minutes time that smile would be gone from her face as if it had never been there.
The discussions began. Following Prylar Jena's listing of the agreed-upon topics for further negotiation, Winn, smiling in pleasure, stood. "It would appear that we all have much to rejoice at. We have agreed on many of the important aspects of a peace treaty between Bajor and Cardassia. Legate Turrel has agreed to convey the points of agreement, and those still requiring - discussion - to the Central Command on Cardassia Prime. If there are no objections, I see no reason why we cannot now adjourn and resume in five weeks' time, as suggested by Legate Turrel."
She was about to complete her speech when Bareil stood and calmly interrupted her. "I have one objection to raise." Winn turned to stare at him, her smile fading. Their eyes met, hers giving birth to anger, his calm and immutable.
In a thin voice, Winn said "Vedek Bareil. You wish to add something?"
His eyes moved to touch on every individual in the chamber. "I see no way for these negotiations to continue honourably while the murderer of thousands of Bajorans is a member of the Cardassian delegation. The very memory of those slain at his hands is defiled by his presence here."
The silence was complete. Bareil held the undivided attention of every individual in the room. Winn simply stared at him as if he had suddenly grown two heads. Legate Turrel slowly stood. "What are you saying, Vedek?"
Implacably, Bareil raised his hand and pointed, in his dark eyes a terrible judgement. "That is not Gul Ni Daar. He is Ka Noor, who was overseer at Religet."
There was a rising clamour in the room. Winn remained silent, staring in disbelief at Bareil. Legate Turrel's voice, sheathed in ice, cut through all other sound in the room. "That is not possible. Gul Ni Daar was recommended as a member of this delegation by the highest level of the Obsidian Order."
Bareil's voice never changed its clarity as he replied, his eyes on Ka Noor. "Nevertheless, he is not who you think he is. You have been deceived." Ka Noor was staring at him, his own face devoid of any readable expression.
Winn interjected to say incredulously "How could you possibly know this man is not Gul Ni Daar?"
His voice falling like retribution, Bareil now uttered the words he had desired never to repeat, and especially not to Winn. And all in that room fell silent, stunned, absorbing the truth of the horrors the Bajoran Vedek was recounting.
"Because I was at Religet; I was one of the survivors carried from there after its libration, close to death because we had been systematically starved by Ka Noor. I watched him order the torture and deaths of thousands upon thousands of innocent Bajorans. He closed his ears to their cries for mercy; I did not. I held my sister as she died lying in the filth of the camp; and I was forced to watch my parents slain in front of me, at his command; my brother and I and many, many other Bajorans were tortured by his minions simply to give him pleasure. It wasn't enough that we were slowly starving to death; he tried to hasten the process by having us beaten until we lost consciousness and fell at his feet."
His voice almost hoarse from the horrors he was describing and the pain surging through him, he finished. "On one occasion he distributed bread throughout the camp. In our hunger we were willing to believe perhaps he had had a change of heart. Those who ate first died writhing and screaming in agony. And now he stands here among us."
During his terrible litany, which fell into the room's horrified silence like the crack of a force whip, Bareil's denouncing eyes never left Ka Noor, who had slowly come to his feet.
The remaining Cardassians in the room had turned to look at Ka Noor. Even among the Cardassians, Ka Noor had became a name synonymous with unmitigated evil. "Do you deny this?" Turrel asked him harshly.
The Cardassian Bareil had identified as Ka Noor shrugged almost negligently. "Why bother to deny it?"
Turrel's growing anger was now evident in his voice. "Why? What reason could you possibly have for wanting a part in these talks?"
His face cruel, Ka Noor answered coldly "Because not all members of the Central Command desire this dishonourable peace with the scum of Bajor." Turrel's face tightened at the insult, although none of the Bajorans present, including Bareil, chose to acknowledge it. Ka Noor was smiling viciously. "The Obsidian Order has long arms, Legate. There are those who would see an end to this cowardly fawning on our enemy."
As he finished, before any one could react or anticipate him, Ka Noor, with surprising speed, had vaulted the table and made a lunge for Winn. In his hand a dagger had appeared, and he now raised it above his head, preparing to deliver a death blow to Winn, to strike at the very heart of the Bajoran religion.
The muscles in his arm sprang forward, but suddenly met resistance. Someone had gripped his wrist in an unbreakable hold and was now forcing it slowly behind his back with apparent ease. With a gutteral snarl, Ka Noor turned his head to see who had impeded his attempt to murder the Bajoran Kai. His malevolent eyes met dark brown eyes.
Bareil's implacable eyes were locked onto Ka Noor's. He said only one word as he inexorably forced the would-be assassin's arm back out of reach of Winn; "No". The one soft, glacial word contained absolute refusal of Ka Noor's action. Ka Noor was still staring at him in stunned fury when the pain of the Bajoran cleric's hold on his wrist became too much to bear. He released his hold on his weapon.
The clatter of the dagger hitting the floor broke the paralysis that had held all the other occupants of the room immobile in the short time it had taken Bareil to react and respond to Ka Noor's action.
Bareil released his hold on the other's wrist as two of the Cardassians moved to restrain him.
As the Vedek stepped back from Ka Noor, he glanced at Winn. Quietly he asked "Are you alright?" He could see the horror and fear still in her ashen face. With an effort, her eyes came into focus and found his.
For a moment she said nothing, as recognition slowly found its way into her frightened mind. As Winn and Bareil stood facing each other, while the Cardassians brought Ka Noor under restraint, they both finally acknowledged silently what had been between them for many months. Where once Winn in her hunger for power had sought to end Bareil's life, he now had acted to save her's.
There was both uncharacteristic shame and acceptance in Winn's voice when she replied. "Yes. Thank you, Vedek Bareil."
Legate Turrel came to them, mixed regret and anger etched on his normally unreadable face. "Kai Winn, Vedek Bareil...I can only apologise on behalf of Cardassia. Until now, Ka Noor was known to me only by name. It is not a name that most Cardassians are proud to own as one of their own. I can only hope that time will prove to Bajor that not all Cardassians are like him. The Central Command desires to see an end to this conflict as much as you do. Unfortunately, there are still elements within the Central Command that see fighting and conquest as the only way forward for our people. It is regrettable."
Winn had regained something of her former composure, and replied "Peace is something we all hope for, Legate." Quietly she added "Your apology is accepted. What will become of him?"
Turrel, however, was looking at Bareil when he replied "It is the right of your people to claim him and see that justice is done. My own preference, however, would be to return him to Cardassia so that his punishment may be an example for...others. I give you my word that he will receive just punishment; Ka Noor's barbarism appalled and shamed many Cardassians. Nevertheless, the choice is yours."
The Kai, too, was now looking at Bareil. The tall man in the crimson robe was silent for a long moment, gazing absently in the direction of the window to the outside world. When he did speak, peace seemed to radiate from the core of his being. "No. To try him on Bajor would re-open too many old wounds for too many of our people. The Bajoran people have suffered enough. Take him to Cardassia. We will trust you to see that he receives an appropriate punishment."
Almost as an afterthought, he softly added "These negotiations are too important to allow anything to jeopardise them. It is my hope that we may reach a settlement in the near future." Winn heard something unspoken in his voice and glanced sharply at him, but he smiled slightly, excused himself and walked away from them and from the room.
Once outside in the empty, sunlit corridor, he stopped and closed his eyes in weariness for a moment. When he opened them again, the Prylar from his Order who acted as his assistant was standing at his side. Somehow finding the strength, he turned to Jain. "What think you, Prylar Jain? Will these talks lead at last to peace?"
Jain's face held uncertainty when he responded. "I don't know, Vedek. It is my prayer that the Prophets will bring about the outcome Bajor needs."
Bareil nodded slowly, thoughtfully. "And soon."
Later, during evening prayer, Bareil became aware of Jalnar's intent regard from the other side of the hall. He met his brother's eyes, in which he saw questioning, but refused to acknowledge what he saw reflected in those green eyes.
Afterwards, as members of the order filed out of the room, Jalnar moved towards Bareil. "Vedek, may I speak with you privately?" He asked quietly. His brother and superior nodded, having a good idea of what was to come; the Monastery had a well-developed and active grapevine. Turning in the direction of his private quarters, Bareil invited Jalnar to accompany him.
Once the door to Bareil's quarters was closed, all deference fell from Jalnar. Urgently he asked "Is it true? Is Ka Noor back on Bajor?"
Bareil slowly nodded, knowing the pain his affirmation would cause his brother. "Yes, he is here."
Jalnar's face paled. "He dares this?"
His brother's impotent rage and disgust beat at Bareil as if it had become something tangible. His hand came up to rest on the younger man's shoulder. "Be at peace, Jalnar. He will be dealt with."
Jalnar looked into the dark eyes gazing at him with compassion. "He must be denounced, Bareil!" The anguish within the younger man was plainly written on his face as he made his plea.
His Vedek nodded. "Ka Noor will receive just punishment for what he did, I promise you", he said softly. The younger man continued to look stricken, and Bareil gently added "Jalnar, I have already denounced him. He WILL be punished. You must trust me in this."
Jalnar knew his brother wasn't telling him everything, but Bareil was his Vedek and superior as well as his brother; he couldn't demand more than Bareil chose to impart. He remained silent for a long moment as Bareil watched the struggle within him. Finally he let his breath out in a long sigh and nodded. Raising his head to once again face the Vedek, he said raggedly, "I do trust you. Its just that...after all this time..." He closed his eyes and slowly shook his head. "The pain is still there."
Quietly Bareil said "I know; I also carry it within me." He fell silent, reflecting on what further pain the future would bring to Jalnar. Given the opportunity, he would have chosen to remove one particular burden from him, but he believed and trusted that the Prophets had good reasons for allowing what would come.
Recollecting himself, Bareil wrapped his arm around his brother's shoulders as they walked to the door. Jalnar didn't see the sorrow and resignation in his brother's eyes as he told him "May the Prophets make me worthy of your trust, my brother." He opened the door and when he turned to the younger man he was smiling affectionately. "It is late. You're overdue for your bed."
Jalnar returned the smile "Goodnight, Vedek."
Quietly Bareil closed the door behind him. "Goodnight Prylar Jalnar."
For a long while Bareil stood still, his eyes closed in pain. When he opened them, he walked slowly to the window to gaze thoughtfully out into the cool Bajoran night. The perfume of the gardens rose up to greet and surround him as he stood reflecting on what had been and what was to come. There were so many things he wanted to tell Jalnar, but he knew he wouldn't be given that opportunity now.
For a while sorrow and regret coursed deeply through him. Yet he was also permeated by a peace even deeper than that which he normally knew. The weeks to come would be difficult, knowing what awaited him at their end, but the other outcome would bring a priceless gift for Bajor - peace.
Five weeks later, Bareil lay dying on DS9 following the reactor accident which he was certain had been no accident on the Bajoran shuttle; one failure hadn't deterred the hawks within the Cardassian Central Command.
As Kira Nerys stood at his side holding his hand, he closed his eyes and pondered whether or not the peace treaty had been worth the sacrifice of his life. He could almost hear a Voice asking "And so, do you now regret your choice?"
Did he regret the choice made long ago? To devote himself entirely to peace? To work tirelessly for the healing of his people? In pain, knowing death was closing in on him, he nevertheless found the strength to smile. As he prepared to let go of his life, he knew the price had been well worth it.
*Acknowledgments*
Gail Christison for all the encouragement and constructive information and suggestions.
Philip Anglim for creating a wonderful character.
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