The Good, the Bad and the Simply Manic

"They did WHAT?" Roared the God of War, launching himself up from his throne, his face thunderous.

The messenger stood before his Lord, shaking with fear. He had known Ares would take the news badly, but even so, at that moment he fervently wished himself elsewhere. Anywhere but where he now stood before the enraged God of War.

"I'm sorry, my Lord, but they...," he paused, fearing the deepening of Ares' wrath. But he couldn't delay. "They burned the entire encampment around us in the Chalcidice. They slaughtered dozens before they were finished."

Ares' face now betrayed no emotion at all, although his dark eyes contained a coldness that made his minion shudder involuntarily. An almost tangible sense of evil now radiated out from the God of War.

"And who is the foolish leader of this army that dares attack the personal army of the God of War?" Enquired Ares in a quiet, deadly voice that cause the hair on the back of the messenger's neck to stand on end.

He swallowed convulsively.

"There is no leader, and no army, my Lord," he informed Ares, an audible tremour in his voice, certain his life was about to come to a very sudden, violent end.

He closed his eyes.

"It was two Amazons, Lord Ares," he finished, and waited for the explosion he was certain would come.

It didn't.

When he opened his eyes, the tall god was standing breathing heavily, his hands hanging loosely at his sides, for all that his jaw was visibly clenched.

"I beg your pardon?" Was all he said, as if he couldn't quite believe what he had just heard.

His messenger nodded miserably in confirmation. "Two of the Amazons attacked us," he got out and then backed up hastily as Ares stalked towards him, murderous intent on his face now.

"I do hope you're now going to tell me that the remainder of my large northern army took these two Amazons," he hissed, his face inches from the terrified man now.

Sweat ran down the wretched man's face in a multitude of rivulets.

N, no my Lord. They were gone before we could regroup, and when we did go after them, they had left no trail that we could follow."

Ares reached out and grabbed him by the neck, lifting him bodily off the floor. "Of course they didn't, you moron. They're Amazons."

But something had occurred to him. Something wasn't quite right about what he had just been told. Still dangling the man off the floor, he asked in a thoughtful tone, "And the identity of the Amazons...did you at least learn that much?"

This was it. The messenger knew he'd be dead for sure now.

He made to lick dry lips, only to discover that his mouth had gone completely dry in fear.

"They told us their names, Lord Ares. In fact, they told us to be sure to tell you who they were."

Ares' grip tightened, even as he wondered who among the Amazons had suddenly developed a death wish.

Closing his eyes, the man whispered, "They said to tell you that Klio and Kendaa send their regards."

He was dead before his body smashed into the wall of the throne room.

"What are those two playing at?" Ares growled softly to himself as he absently watched the body slide down the wall.

He wore a look of angry puzzlement as he resumed his seat on his throne, brooding.

At that same time, the two Amazons in question, Klio and Kendaa, were sitting around a small campfire in the depths of a forest not far from Methone.

Klio leaned back, taking a long swig from a wine skin they'd taken during their last foray, regarding the tall blonde sitting cross-legged on the other side of the fire and industriously eating her third sweet cake for the night.

"You know, if you keep eating those things, you're going to lose your girlish figure," she pointed out, waggling a finger at the half-dryad. "I never did understand how you got your figure back so fast after you gave birth to Leonides," she told her Amazon sister before taking another chug from the wineskin.

Kendaa, her mouth wrapped around a large chunk of cake, looked up. She took her time in finishing off what was in her mouth before replying.

"Well excuse me, but your father keeps my figure trim," she snickered suggestively, tossing her head in the air defiantly. "And you do realise that in any normal family, I'd be your stepmother, don't you? So show a little respect, please!" Having finished speaking, she stuffed another large chunk of sweet cake into her mouth and chewed contentedly.

Klio looked dumbfounded. "Stepmother? You? That sugar has gone to your brain, dryad," she sneered, and then spoiled the effect by hiccupping loudly.

A night bird gave a soft call from the branches of the tree just behind Kendaa. Casually, she drew her dagger from her boot and let fly. The bird fell to lie at her feet. She retrieved her dagger, muttering, "Noisy bird," before turning and pointing the blade at the daughter of Ares. "And that wine has gone to your head. You're drunk", she accused.

Klio looked skeptical. "I am not! How dare you suggest such a thing!" She shrieked indignantly, launching herself to stand insteadily on her feet.

Kendaa looked skeptical. "Yeah, you are. Just remember, tomorrow we hit Methone. Your daddy has a whole bunch of troops in a garrison just outside the town."

Klio giggled. "Oh yesssss," she hissed with relish. "Lots and lots of nice little warrior boys of daddy's to add to our tally. Can't wait!"

Her Amazon sister drew her sword, grinning in a fashion that was totally alien to her. "Neither can I! Dead, dead, they'll alllll be dead," she chanted softly, running her finger lovingly down the blade, before joining her sister in her giggling fit.

To all intents and purposes two of the most formidable Amazon warriors - Ares' daughter and his Chosen - were completely insane.

The Amazon Council was in session early the following morning. The question of trade treaties with several distant nations had just been resolved satisfactorily. The councillors were about to begin what promised to be an involved discussion on crop planting and rotation for the new season when the God of War suddenly appeared in their midst, his dark face furious.

"My Lord Ares," the Queen greeted him, standing. "To what do we owe the honour of your visit?"

"I want to know why in Tartarous Klio and Kendaa are, at this precise moment, laying waste to my warriors in the garrison at Methone!" He informed the Amazon Queen, barely containing his rage.

The Amazons gaped at him as if he'd suddenly morphed into his infamous pet, Graegus.

"I'm not sure I understand...," the Queen began carefully.

"Oh?" Ares hissed. "Then let me clarify things for you. My daughter and my Chosen - two of your most lethal warriors - are presently on a rampage," he told them angrily. "They have so far slaughtered dozens of my men in the Chalcidice, terrorising the entire area in the process, and are now making their way down towards central Greece. AND I WANT TO KNOW WHY!" He finished with a roar.

"And no one has stopped them?" Hebea asked faintly, not entirely sure if she wanted to laugh or be disturbed for her sisters.

The God of War glowered at her. "Of course not. They were both personally trained by me," he informed her paradoxically, and almost proudly.

The Queen raised her hands in a defeated, confused gesture. "I'm sorry, my Lord, but I have no explanation for this. I'm at as big a loss as you to understand it. They left here to investigate some reports of intruders along our south-western borders. That was a week back. I wasn't expecting them back for several days yet. Have you spoken to them?" She sked, very concerned now at the behaviour of the two warriors.

"No," Ares snarled. "But when I do they'd better have a very good explanation!"

Without another word, the God of War vanished from the astonished sight of the Amazon Councillors.

"You know," mused Hebea, "I have a really bad feeling about this."

"So do I," murmured the Queen thoughtfully, as she slowly resumed her seat.

The garrison was in a complete uproar. Smoke billowed thickly from burning buildings around the compound. Warriors were running all over the place in confusion. Horses screamed in terror at all the noise and flames surrounding them.

And in the midst of it all stood the two Amazons, both laughing gleefully at the mayhem they had caused.

Klio saw one man making for the relative safety of the stables. "Oh no you don't sweetcheeks!" She grinned maniacally and took off after him, catching up with him and slitting his throat with devastating ease, laughing in pure pleasure at the sight of the blood spurting out as his life ebbed away.

A tall blonde figure dashed past in pursuit of two more soldiers heading for the gate, her sword raised above her head with murderous intent. She caught up with them and in two practised strokes ended both their lives.

Kendaa turned to face her sister, smiling happily. "Ah, gotta love the smell of blood in the morning. That's two for me and one for you!" She giggled, raising her bloodied sword and holding it blissfully against her face, so that when she removed it, a patch of blood stained her cheek.

Klio petulantly stuck her hand on her hip. "Ohhh! Now THAT was petty! Just you wait," she yelled, catching sight of another hapless soldier and sprinting after him, heading into the smoke.

Kendaa stood laughing insanely, thoroughly enjoying the havoc she nd her sister had created, until she caught sight of another soldier aiming his bow at her. In seconds her dagger had been pulled from her boot and left her hand. The soldier fell to lay just a few feet away from her.

"Gotcha!" She gloated.

Then three more warriors made a bolt towards the gate. She saw them and snickered, raising her sword again. "Time's up boys."

A pair of strong arms suddenly wrapped themselves around her waist and hauled her back against a hard body, while an angry voice bit out, "No, your time's up, my dear."

Ares' Chosen writhed madly in his arms, trying to make a break for freedom. "They're getting AWAY! Lemme GO!"

"How fortunate for them that they're escaping your little bloodbath. Now be still!" he told her sharply.

"Ohhhh!!! Ares, you are NO FUN!" Screamed the insanely struggling Amazon.

The God of War gritted his teeth, thinking he would prefer to be holding a full-grown hydra than the clawing and kicking she-demon currently in his arms.

"I'm crushed," he retorted, determinedly hauling her back against him as she made yet another break for freedom, even as his mind was working furiously. Something was very wrong. He needed to know what had happened to them and he needed to know fast.

For the time being, though, he decided to try reasoning with kendaa. "Alright, we're going to find Klio. Now I want you to try and keep still for a few minutes. Do you think you can do that?"

She suddenly stilled in his arms, and turned an expectant face to him. "Do I get a reward if I'm good?"

Ares rolled his eyes. "Oh believe me, you have a reward coming, I promise you that, my sweet."

Kendaa smiled sunnily. "'kay. I'll be good. Let's go find Klio!"

The God of War breathed a sigh of relief as he warily released her, while retaining an iron grip on her waist.

They didn't have to go far. Klio came sauntering happily out of the smoke into which she had so recently went. "Hey! I got FOUR that time! My kill count's better than yours now!" Then she caught sight of Ares.

"DADDY!"

Ares blinked, hoping he'd somehow fallen into some universe dealing in a warped alternate reality.

Upon seeing him his daughter came running towards him at full tilt. Launching herself at him she wrapped her arms around him in an affectionate hug that took him totally by surprise. He released Kendaa's wrist. It was a major mistake. She immediately started running in the direction of the stairs leading up to the officers' quarters.

Trying to unwrap his daughter's arms from around him, he roared at the top of his voice, "Kendaa! Get back here IMMEDIATELY, or you'll get a REALLY painful reward!"

She turned and started back towards him, her feet dragging in the dirt like a recalcitrant child.

"Dad?" Klio was giggling insanely now.

"What?" He growled.

"You look way too serious, you know. You need to loosen up...relax!"

The God of War stared at his daughter in pained realisation. Both women had lost their minds.

"Is that so?" He muttered, grabbing Kendaa's wrist again when she was close enough.

Klio snickered. "Yes you do. We've killed sooo many of your warriors! And they couldn't do a thing to stop us!" She told him gleefully. "Aren't you proud!" She asked.

Dark eyes regarded the small raven-haired woman in his arms. He found his temper dying as he looked into eyes that were not sane. "Any other time, my sweet, yes. But you can't keep on killing my warriors. And you have to tell me why you were doing it."

Kendaa immediately lashed out and kicked Klio. "We promised! Don't you DARE!" She glared at her sister.

Ares' eyes narrowed at his Chosen's words, although he ignored her. "You promised who, Klio?" He asked in his most gentle, enticing voice.

Klio licked her lips, looking from one to the other, sticking her father's sword pendant in her mouth and sucking ruminatively for a moment. Coming to a decision, she removed the pendant and looked up at her father as she twisted her foot in the dirt.

Apollo," she replied truthfully.

Ares froze. "Apollo?"

"Uh huh," Klio smiled up at her father with wide, innocent eyes. "But we're just having a little fun. You do want us to have fun occasionally, don't you daddy?" She asked, slowly twirling his pendant with her little finger.

Black rage erupted within Ares, but he viciously pushed it down, keeping his voice even and calm. "What exactly did you promise Apollo, my sweet?" He asked quietly, as Kendaa tugged uselessly on his restraining hand.

"Oooooohhhhhh! Klio!!!" Kendaa stamped her foot in temper. "We PROMISED! STOP THAT!"

Klio grinned. "Oh but I'd NEVER keep anything from daddy - would I daddy?"

The God of War closed his eyes for a moment in an attempt to quell his fury and frustration.

When he opened his eyes again, he smiled. "Of course, you wouldn't, my dear. Now, about Apollo. What did you promise him?" He prompted.

Klio giggled, ignoring Kendaa's glare.

"Weeeell, he made us promise not to tell you that he'd sent us on a mission, but you're my dad, so I figure it's ok to tell you," she confided.

"What mission did Apollo send you on, Klio?" Her father asked, getting madder by the second.

"We're supposed to see how many of your warriors we can kill!" She told him brightly. "And we're very good at it, dad. So far, we've killed dozens. Kendaa is juuuuust ahead of me, but don't worry, I'll catch up," she told her father proudly.

Ares expelled a deep breath, until something caught his attention and he looked down.

Small tendrils of ivy were rapidly snaking their way up his vest. Kendaa, becoming bored, had decided Ares' basic black vest needed a little colour and life. She was grinning as her finger moved, encouraging the vine to work its way around his neck.

"Stop that!" He snapped at her. But she only laughed up at him.

"Why? You really need to do something about your clothes, you know. Black is so...sooo...," she couldn't quite find the word she wanted.

"Boring?" Supplied Klio, giggling again.

The half-dryad nodded happily in agreement. Her finger was still moving wickedly, and the vine was still growing on him.

He let go of Klio to slap at Kendaa's hand. Klio immediately took full advantage of her new-found freedom and sprinted off in the direction she had seen the last of the soldiers heading in, sword raised.

"Come out, come out wherever you are! I only want to kill you! You boys are being noooo fun!"

Kendaa turned on Ares, infuriated. "That's not fair! Now she's going to get ahead of me in the kill count! Let me GO!" She lashed out and kicked Ares solidly in the leg in temper.

Almost-black eyes blazed down at her. "Do that again, and I'll put you over my knee and give you the hiding you would so richly deserve if Apollo hadn't been behind...this mess," he warned her grimly. "Now stay put until I go get Klio!" With the wave of a hand he cemented her to the ground, as he headed off in search of his daughter.

"You are SUCH a bully!" Screeched Kendaa from behind him. "Just you wait!" Then something occurred to her addled mind. "Is that spanking a promise?" She called after him hopefully.

Ares sighed and kept going, fervently wishing this was all a nightmare and that he'd wake up soon and find himself involved in a nice big dirty war somewhere.

Late that afternoon saw Ares determinedly and rapidly striding northward with two totally insane Amazons in tow. The God of War had initially tried to transport all three of them straight to Apollo's Temple, but gave up when forcibly reminded that Klio, being mortal, couldn't be transported in that fashion. He could have taken Kendaa, as she had the blood of the dryads in her in large measure, but there was no way he was going to separate the two women. He knew better than anyone just how lethal they could be, and he didn't want to let either of them out of his sight.

"Hey, slow down! I nearly fell over just then," whined Kendaa, once again tugging at Ares' hand in a vain effort to free himself.

"Be glad I don't drag you along on your behind," snarled Ares without looking over his shoulder.

He had used the wrong word.

Kendaa immediately looked down and grinned in delight. "Nice tush!" The words were accompanied by action. Ares jumped, his head swinging around in outrage as the half-dryad refused to let go of what she kept insisting was a perfectly lovely tush.

He glared. He growled. He threatened.

And still her hand clung to the tight-fitting black leather and its contents like a limpet.

Klio, meanwhile, had decided it was time for a fatherly hug.

"Daddy," she pouted, snuggling up to him and running her free hand around his neck. "Don't you love me anymore? It's been so long since you gave me a hug, and I WANT ONE NOW!" She ended on a plaintive bellow that all but deafened the God of War. "ENOUGH!" He roared. Glaring at Kendaa, he snarled, "You! Let go now, or you will NOT like the consequences!"

The dryad Amazon's lower lip started quivering. "B, but...I LIKE your tush! You KNOW I like your tush!"

"Amazon, right now, I don't care WHAT you like. Let go!" He roared right in her face.

He turned to Klio then. She had wrapped her one free arm around his neck in a vice-like grip and wasn't about to let go any time soon.

"And you let go too!" He yelled, beside himself.

Klio started sniffing, but didn't let go, twisting a stray lock of Ares' hair around one finger. "But daddy, don't you love me anymore?"

He closed his eyes, counting slowly to ten. It didn't work.

"Daughter, if you don't let go, I swear I'll do something we'll both regret," he told her in a tone that would have scared ten years off the lives of any of his minions.

Not Klio.

"You don't mean that, daddy. I know you have a heart in there somewhere," she told him, starting to sniff louder, one hand pushing his vest aside to see if the heart in question was in evidence.

"Remove your arm," he demanded coldly.

To his dismay, Klio burst into tears.

"You don't love me anymore!" She wailed noisily.

On his other side, Kendaa suddenly released her grip on his behind and joined her sister Amazon in her tears.

"You're cruel!" She sobbed loudly. "You've never complained BEFORE when I've grabbed your tush! You said you LIKED it!" She accused, her sobs growing in volume.

"And he never minded giving me a HUG when no one was watching before either!!" Klio screeched.

Ares stopped dead. He wondered briefly if it was Apollo's intention to drive him insane too.

"Alright. That's it."

He released them both as they stood engrossed in their respective outbursts, Ares temporarily forgotten.

A sharp gesture later and both Amazons immediately stopped bellowing to look down in surprise. They both stood with their arms bound in front of them, with a short length of rope hanging free so that he could pull them along without letting them get too close.

Kendaa looked from the rope securely binding her wrists to Ares, and glared. "That was LOW," she hissed, in between sniffs.

Klio stared at the rope binding her, before looking up tearfully at her father.

"How COULD you, daddy! That's so mean! All we want to do is have a little fun and kill your soldiers! It's not like we're asking for Olympus or anything!" She began crying again.

Ares shook his head and once again turned northward, picking up the loose rope and hauling them along behind him.

Helios had finally retired for the night after what had arguably been the longest day of Ares' very long life.

Klio and Kendaa sat beside a campfire chewing contentedly on some bread and meat provided by the God of War. Ares sat on the other side of the fire watching them with a brooding expression.

As he watched, Klio shovelled another piece of venison into her already-full mouth, pushing it in with both her bound hands.

He was momentarily distracted from his daughter when a loud belch sounded from the dryad seated next to her. He turned dark eyes to watch her take a long swig from the water carrier and then belch again, quite deliberately, giggling as she did so.

He winced.

Klio wiped her mouth along her bare arm and looked across at her father. She tried to say something around the piece of meat still in her mouth but it came out unintelligable. She giggled.

Ares waited wearily.

"Hey dad, we've never been camping before! This is waaaaay cool!" She grinned happily. "We should do this more often!"

The God of War rubbed the side of his face and nodded, a slight smile on his face.

"So glad you're enjoying yourself," he muttered wryly, more to himself than to his daughter.

He stood and moved around the fire to stand over them.

"If you're quite finished eating, you can go to sleep now," he told them, daring either one to defy him.

"Ok!" Kendaa smiled eagerly. "Klio can sleep on this side of the fire and I'll sleep over there! With you," she added ingenuously.

"I don't think so, my dear. You'll both stay here, together."

"But...!" Kendaa pouted.

One elegant finger whipped out and up to stand rigidly at attention in a negating gesture.

"Don't!" He advised his favourite sharply.

She subsided, an expression on her face that suggested a major sulk was imminent.

One sharp flick of a finger later and both Amazons found themselves lying on the ground, hands now tied behind them, and ankles also tied.

"That's just to make sure we all have a restful night," he informed them.

Sighing, he vanished, ignoring their indignant cries. As he moved through the aether he consoled himself with the thought that it was safe to leave them alone, tied up as securely as he had left them.

He was wrong.

The instant he had disappeared, both women started wriggling. Ares would have been shocked to see how little time it took him to free themselves.

Klio stood, tossing away the last of her bindings. "Really, you'd think he'd have learned by now, wouldn't you?" She snickered at her sister Amazon.

Kendaa laughed, a low, wicked laugh, deftly catching the sword that Klio tossed over to her. "Come to mama, baby," she crooned lovingly as she sheathed her weapon in its customary place at her back.

The daughter of Ares laughed too now, raising her face to the moonlight. "Oh dad, you don't know us nearly as well as you think you do," she grinned, pleased with herself.

"Come on," she slapped Kendaa on the arm. "If we hurry we can catch up with the last of the soldiers at Methone. We wouldn't want to leave any of them alive, she grinned, heading off into the forest and southwards once more.

Ares' hypnotic dark eyes were fixed on Artemis in disbelief.

"Let me see if I understand this correctly. Apollo put the hard word on my daughter and my favourite and when they rejected him, he used the Crystal of Dionysus on them. And once their sanity was safely held by the Crystal, he - just for kicks, and in a fit of pique - sent them on a lunatic 'mission' to kill as many of my warriors as they could," he enunciated through gritted teeth. "Does that cover it?"

The Goddess of the Amazons sighed. "I'm afraid so. And I'm as furious with him as you are. They're two of my best Amazons. I want them back the way they were, but Apollo is skulking somewhere on the other side of Olympus and won't come out."

"Oh won't he?" Hissed the God of War.

"APOLLO!" Roared Ares, seconds later, and the very foundations of Olympus shook.

It took a while, but suddenly, the God of Light was there before his angry twin and the enraged God of War. He stared down at them, smirking defiantly from the relative safety of his godly skateboard.

"You bellowed, bro?"

The God of War drew a deep breath. "I can understand that you're bored and have nothing better to do with your time than play idiotic pranks, but you will NOT do it with my favourite or my daughter, do you understand?" Ares snarled, his earring dancing furiously as he spoke.

Apollo yawned.

"Are you finished? Is the lecture over?"

The dark Lord of War took one step closer, his hand closed tightly around the hilt of his sword.

"No, the lecture is far from over. And get off that stupid contraption!" He yelled at his fellow god.

Apollo promptly moved himself and his floating skateboard to what was a relatively safer vantage point away from Ares.

Artemis moved to stand closer to Ares. "Apollo, you're out of line. You have to give Klio and Kendaa back their minds. And if you don't, we'll be going to Zeus. Is that what you want?"

Ares glared at her. "Excuse me? I'm the aggrieved party here, Artemis. I'll be the one who goes to Zeus, and demand redress, whether or not this idiot does what he has to do. His actions have caused the deaths of dozens of my warriors."

The Goddess of the Amazons sighed. "Fine, if that's what you want - and I acknowledge that you have the right - then do it. I'll support you."

Apollo looked at Ares and Artemis. They were both furious with him. He considered his options. He had none, really. He knew they were right, even if it was on a tedious technicality. And the last thing he wanted was the intervention of Zeus. Stupid mortal females, preferring their allegiance to the dour God of War to him, who was all Light. They had deserved what he'd done to them. But really, he was in a no-win situation now and knew it.

"Alright. Fine," he blustered resentfully. "Bring them to my Temple near Amphipolis. I'll return their minds and we can all get on with our eternity. OK?"

Ares shook his head. "Oh you'll return their minds alright. And you will pay for this," he snarled angrily. "Just wait until Dionysus learns you've taken his Crystal. He'll make your existence every bit as miserable as I plan to make it for the next millenia or two."

Apollo thought about that. Perhaps he had been a tad hasty in making off with Dionysus's Crystal. But still... He shrugged. "Whatever. Oh, by the way. Your two darlings are heading for Methone again, Aer'. Have fun rounding them up." With a snigger, he disappeared before Ares could respond.

With a frustrated growl, Ares himself vanished, making straight for the two insane Amazons now happily closing in once again on their quarry.

Klio and Kendaa hadn't actually had to go all the way to Methone. Purely by chance they encountered a round dozen of the remnants of the Methone garrison on the road leading north, as they headed to the Great Northern Temple of Ares to seek his help. They could have called on him anywhere and any time, but fearing the return of the homicidal Amazons, they had decided it was safer to leave the area and seek their Lord's help in one of the most sacred of his temples.

They were wrong.

The warriors were marching along the road quietly talking amongst themselves when the two Amazons ambushed them, charging out from among the thick forest that lined the road, screaming the Amazon war cry.

The already-dispirited soldiers took one look at the grinning, bloodthirsty faces and began panicking. They broke ranks and started running in all directions and into each other.

And, unfortunately, right into the two Amazons.

Klio's sword flashed out and down in an economical movement that took the lives of two of the soldiers. She laughed for the pure pleasure of it. "My, my. I so love it when I don't have to go after my quarry," she told her preoccupied sister.

Kendaa had grabbed another unfortunate soldier and was holding him against her in a vice-like grip, her dagger at his throat. She was grinning. "Let me redecorate your neck for you, dear. Just relax and enjoy it, ok?"

Her dagger raised to slice down.

"NO!"

Ares' roar brought her head up in surprise.

Her grin broadened.

From behind Ares, Klio squealed "DADDY!" once more, running forward and jumping on his back, to wrap her arms and legs around him.

Without moving his eyes from the tall blonde, he shrugged Klio off so that she landed in an untidy, indignant heap on the ground behind him. "Dad, that wasn't very nice!" His daughter chided plaintively.

Ares ignored her, his entire attention centered on the half-dryad.

"Kendaa, don't do it." He was almost pleading with her.

His favourite smiled lovingly into his eyes. "Oh but I must, my love. This one will be just for you; for the glory of Ares!" She told him lightly, the forest-green eyes totally insane.

Before the God of War could stop her, the dagger flashed down, and the man in her arms stopped struggling, and fell to lie still at her feet.

Klio snickered. "Now THAT'S what I call a necklace!"

Without another word, the God of War reached down and hauled his daughter to her feet, dragging her over to where the dryad Amazon stood looking down at her latest catch with a pleased expression on her face.

"This has to stop. NOW!" Ares hissed at them both.

He dragged them off the road and into the forest, well away from any passers-by. When he found a tree large enough, he tied them to it with enough rope to secure ten of his strongest warriors.

They both sat on the ground looking up at him, looking for all the world like two little girls doing nothing more innocent than relaxing on a picnic.

Klio suddenly tittered. Ares and Kendaa both turned to look at her, Kendaa expectantly, Ares frowning.

She started out quietly, but it soon grew in volume. Ares closed his eyes and ran a tired hand over them, shaking his head. She was singing a very bawdy ballad about a sailor and the wife of a certain prominent Athenian archon.

By the second verse, Kendaa had joined in, encouraging the daughter of Ares. The performance grew louder by degree, which wouldn't have been entirely bad if they had been singing in tune. As it was, they reminded Ares of some of the prisoners in his dungeons after they had endured several sessions of torture.

The two Amazons kept on singing the song, over and over again. As Ares listened, he felt his own mind most uncharacteristically starting to slip sideways. From somewhere in amongst all the thoughts drifting through his mind, emerged idle speculation as to where exactly his favourite and his daughter had learned the song they were now singing with such gusto.

Shaking his head, he drew a deep breath.

Ares, God of War, Warlord of all Warlords, terror and slayer of nations and most feared of the Olympian Gods then did something he had never, ever done in his very long existence. He admitted defeat. Closing his eyes, he finally admitted to himself that handling the two Amazons was beyond him alone.

He needed help. And he needed it fast.

He considered whom he could get to assist him with the two mad women. Then his mind turned to whom among the Olympians or mortals he disliked enough to expose to the antics of the two Amazons.

Suddenly he started smiling.

Soon the smile grew to a grin.

He was still grinning wickedly as he vanished to go in search of Hercules and his annoying friend, Iolaus.

The golden-haired son of Zeus and his long-time friend were already heading rapidly in the general direction of their two Amazon friends, having heard of the disturbances in the Chalcidice and northern Greece, apparently caused by an army of renegade Amazons, or so word of mouth would have it.

"Hey Herc, what do you think is behind this? I mean, it can't be any of the Amazons we know, and I wasn't aware that there were other Amazon tribes in the north and in Thrace that were likely to cause that kind of trouble."

Hercules shrugged, and shook his head, his face troubled. "I don't know Iolaus. This whole thing is really worrying me. There are too many unknowns..." He shook his head again, sighing, but didn't once break his determined stride.

Iolaus hurried to keep up with him. "Herc, do you think you could slow down a little?"

His tall friend looked around. "Well I..." He stopped abruptly, for just at that moment, the God of War appeared between himself and Iolaus.

"Ares. What do you want?" Hercules asked his half-brother in frustration. The God of War would only slow them down, whatever he wanted, and Hercules wasn't in the mood to play games with the usually unfuriating god.

"Nice to see you too, brother," commented Ares, eyeing the blonde hunter beside Hercules with distaste.

Iolaus stared back, unperturbed.

Ares' dark eyes wandered at last back to Hercules. "Oh yes...what do I want... Well as much as it pains me, I need your help," he informed Hercules.

The blonde hunter stifled an incredulous guffaw, but not quickly enough that the God of War didn't hear him. "You find that funny, you impudent toad? I take it you've already forgotten the last time we crossed paths. Those shoes were just a...tad...too big for you, weren't they?" He enquired silkily, dark eyes sparkling with malicious glee.

Iolaus immediately took umbrage. "Yeah, well you weren't so smart when I had my hands on Artemis's bow and arrow, were you?" He shot back.

Ares snarled, his hand going back as he gathered his power, preparing to unleash it on the defiant Iolaus.

Hercules stepped between them, his hands up. "Now wait a minute! Settle down, both of you. What are you talking about, Ares? Why would you, of all people, suddenly want our help?" He asked, suspicious.

Iolaus visibly subsided, while Ares took his time in removing his infuriated gaze from the smaller, golden-haired man.

At length, however, he turned to Hercules. "From the direction in which you're headed, I take it you've heard of the...disturbances in the north."

It wasn't a question, but Hercules took it as such. "Yes, we've heard. Let me guess, you started something, it got out of hand and now you're lowering yourself to ask us to help you fix whatever it is you've done."

The God of War chewed reflectively on his lip, wishing more than anything for a way around Zeus's pesky no-god-can-kill-Hercules rule. After a moment, he exhaled and reined in his temper enough to offer a calm reply.

"As much as you'd like to think that, brother, I am completely innocent in this mess."

Iolaus immediately snickered.

Ares swung around, pointing his finger in the hunter's face. "Another word out of you, little man, and you'll be treading air five hundred feet above the Corinthian Isthmus," he growled.

Iolaus placed indignant hands on his hips. "I'd like to see you try, you arrogant son of a...,"

Ares' hand went all the way back.

"Iolaus!" Hercules sighed. "Look, this is getting us nowhere. Assuming you are innocent of any wrongdoing for once, Ares, what is going on? What can be so bad that you would need our help?"

The dark Lord of War nodded slightly, slowly lowering his hand.

"Alright. You want to know what can be so bad? Try Apollo stealing the Crystal of Dionysus and using it to take the sanity of two of the most formidable of the Amazons because they dared repel his advances. Try Apollo sending said Amazons, who are now completely insane, on a no-holds-barred mission to kill AS MANY OF MY WARRIORS AS THEY POSSIBLY CAN!!!" He finished with a roar, his earring dancing frantically with the force of his agitation.

Iolaus gaped.

Hercules stared.

For a moment, neither of them said anything, until Iolaus frowned. "Why do I have a really bad feeling about this?"

"Why do we both have a bad feeling about this?" Hercules said softly, before turning to his half-brother. He paused, trying to find the right words. "Why can't you deal with them all by yourself? After all, you are the God of War. And who exactly are the two Amazons?" He asked slowly.

In complete contrast to his previous agitation, Ares now smiled. It was an evil, malicious smile. It made Hercules and Iolaus distinctly uncomfortable.

He moved slowly forward until he was standing inches away from both heroes.

"Klio and Kendaa," he snarled viciously.

Iolaus's mouth opened as if he was about to speak, only nothing would come out. He was stunned.

Hercules blinked. "Klio and Kendaa?" He repeated, hoping he had misheard.

The God of War nodded in angry affirmation.

There was a long silence.

Hercules finally managed to get his spinning brain to function again. "Are you telling me that two of the deadliest Amazons - two of our friends - are on a killing spree across northern Greece?"

Ares nodded again in affirmation, folding his arms across his chest.

"Well?" He asked impatiently. "Do you think you're up to the challenge? Because believe me, they are a challenge. I need to get them to Apollo's temple so he can undo what he's done to them. The sooner the better." He wondered idly what they were doing at that precise moment. He could, of course, have reached out with his god-sense, but he decided he really didn't need the added stress at that moment. He ignored the urge.

The tall demigod sighed. "Fine. Where are they, and we'll meet you there as soon as we can."

The God of War would rather have gone to Tartarous than admit just how relieved he was at his brother's words.

"I'll be able to get them to the crossroads outside Pamphylia by sundown tomorrow. We'll stay there until you show up," he informed Hercules.

Without another word, he vanished, leaving them alone to digest what he had told them.

Finally, after a very long pause, Iolaus exhaled.

"Oh brother, this is going to be fun," he muttered in resignation.

They were gone, of course, when Ares returned, the several lengths of rope lying forlornly at the base of the tree where he'd left them trussed up.

Muttering something unspeakable under his breath, he instantly dematerialised, using his god-sense to send himself after them.

Somehow, against all odds, they had managed to find two more soldiers, had corralled them and, swords raised above their addled heads, were chasing them around and around in circles in a clearing not all that far from where he'd left them. Ares stood to one side watching them for one moment, undecided whether to enjoy the panic written clearly in the eyes of his two warriors, or intervene.

But they were, after all, his sworn warriors.

He signed and drew a deep breath.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Rang out the roar, reverberating through the forest and sending birds and wildlife scattering in all directions, even as the earth beneath all their feet rumbled and swayed alarmingly.

Four pair of feet immediately came to a screeching halt, and four pair of eyes, two of them utterly insane, swung around to regard the furious god.

"DON'T YOU THINK I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN BABY SIT MY SERVANTS WHO SHOULD BE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES, LET ALONE TWO LOONY AMAZONS? I AM THE GOD OF WAR, NOT A BABY SITTER!" He continued to bellow, glaring at them all in turn.

Kendaa started tittering.

The tittering became a snicker.

The snicker became a giggle, which in turn became a laugh. In a matter of seconds, the half-dryad had fallen onto the ground and was literally rolling on her back laughing uproariously, clutching her stomach, even though her sword was still in her hand.

Klio, not to be outdone, was soon laughing so hard herself that tears were pouring down her cheeks. She was slapping the side of her leg with the hilarity of it all - although exactly what they found so funny totally escaped the distinctly unamused God of War.

Ares lost it.

"ALRIGHT! That's it!!!"

He stalked forward to face his two warriors, his face thunderous. "You two! Get out of here now and don't stop running until you see the walls of my temple in Thrace, got it?"

Wisely, they nodded, bowed to their Lord, and beat a hasty retreat.

Then he turned to the two Amazons, who were still laughing hysterically.

In rapid movements, he leaned down and picked up the still screaming with laughter Kendaa and wrapped his arm around her, effortlessly carrying her bodily. He then moved towards his daughter. But she was too quick for him.

Almost breathless from laughing, she backed up, waggling a negating finger at him. "Oh no you don't daddy. Tag! You're it! Come and get me!"

"If you value your life, daughter, you'll stand right where you are," he hissed.

That just made her retreat all the more, thinking it a great game.

Ares' hand shot out. Using his power, he drew her to him until she got close enough so he could grab her and wrap his free hand around her struggling body, lifting her small body off the ground too.

"One way or another, I am going to have an Amazon-free night, even if I have to put you both to sleep," he told them grimly, turning to march determinedly back in the direction whence the two Amazons had come during their last escape.

In the end, of course, and after two more escape attempts, he had no option but to use his powers to put them to sleep, making sure they wouldn't wake for several hours while he went to Olympus for a serious heart-to-heart with his father about Apollo.

Zeus took one look at his dark son, blinked in astonishment and asked if he'd perhaps been getting too involved in his own wars of late, and suggested, much to Ares' fury, that perhaps a little down-time would be in order.